Oy Roy
Good Ol’ Roy Rogers … how you have broken my heart.
Now I dont know about the rest of you but as a child, nothing was more satisfying to me then that trip on the weekend to Roy Rogers. There was only one in my neighborhood, actually not even in my neighborhood, but close enough to drive to and it was definitely worth it. From their hot fresh roast beef sandwhiches, the awesome burgers, crispy french fries, the deliciously fried chicken, creamy milk shakes and all the way to the fixins bar with the best pickles in the world! Nothing was better then sitting there as a little pudgeball and staring at there menu trying to figure out how much of their deliciousness I would be able to shove in my fat face that day.
Now while this was going on, the rest of America was waiting on lines at McDonalds where some pedophile in big red shoes was waiting to play with all your children and not mention Ronald’s cast of questionable friends.
What about at Burger King where there is this easy king who lets you have it your way and would even let you wear his crown..
CREEPY!!!
.. but no I was above all that, it was just me and Roy and nothing made me happier!!
Bud sadly, there are only currently 52 Roy Rogers restaurants still in business. This is a crime. We are forced to eat from such shitty establishments as KFC who can’t even use their original name AND who now offer mainly grilled chicken, FUCK THAT. What is happening to America. They do not have the appreciation for good fast food. It is a shame.
Well here is something for all you McFatty’s to chew on! Please View.. but be warned, nausea and vomiting might follow:
Now back to good ol Roy’s. So recently I was in the city for work and was very excited when I was let out early because I knew somewhere in the vicinity was not one but 2 Roy Rogers Restaurants! Since I was taking the LIRR back to my home I figured I will go to Penn Station and enjoy me some Roy deliciousness before my venture home. BUT NO!!! In early 2009 Roy Rogers was closed in Penn Station. Unbelievable. I couldnt have been more dissapointed. Strike 1! So now I depart Penn Station to search for the lone remaining Roy Rogers anywhere near me. And low and behold I find it, only having to circle the area for about 15 minutes, but well worth it, or so I thought. So I walk into this fine establishment to find that it has been forced to share its space with 2 other fast food crapholes which will go unmentioned, mainly because I wasn’t paying attention to that as the drool started emerging from my mouth at the sight of Roy’s menu. I step up the counter and anxiously wait for the grossly sweaty and obese employee to take my order. Five minutes later, still waiting, I notice that this place is quite dirty. The food is not even being prepared fresh as it is sitting under heat lamps AND the cheapest value meal on the menu was $8.00. Strike 2! Yet after all this I stood there patiently ready to order my bacon cheeseburger, french fries and soda. BUT STILL NO SERVICE. It was now ten minutes and that was the last straw. It was bad enough you were a fat mess working in a fast food haven in Manhattan but to be fat AND lazy and totally ignorant to the fact that you had customers, because a lovely couple, quite possibly homeless was also in the line behind me, which now that i think bad on it could have explained the smell and my nauseasness. But that was it for me… STRIKE 3! Oh how the mighty have fallen. Roy, I am officially dissapointed. All my childhood memories and fat jokes were all for naught. This is proof nothing good ever lasts.
I am officially taking my business from here on out to Five Guys, which by the way is REDONCULOUS!!!
This kid knows what I'm taking about! Just look at the excitement on his face as he waits for his Five Guys Burgers & Fries!
Five Guys Deliciousness!
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