Your home for current happenings and honest talk

As the sweat is dripping off my dome and I have my serious anger ridden workout face on (mean muggin to the extreme) old smelly and sweaty Mr. Puerto Rico (fake name) decides, “Hey, look at this strapping young fellow busting his ass over there on the iso lat pull downs. Let me go riddle him with some nonsense that I am sure he will be most interested in.” Now obviously this is not exact as 1) I might have many talents but contrary to prior belief, mind reading is unfortunately not one of them and mind reading a spanglish man’s thoughts is definitely not my forte … 2) since this guy barely spoke English that really would have sounded like “Hey gym hombre, sudor tambien, which means in spanish to sweat also (yes I am also fluent in googling english-spanish dictionary as well), yo tengo story papi.”

Now here is my first problem with this scenario.  Unless you are friends with someone at the gym, when did it become acceptable to start random conversation between straight men.  I do not go up to other guys and tell them my shit so I definitely do not want to hear their’s.  Unless you need a spot or want to find out if someone is going to wipe up their sweaty filth they just left on that machine, there really is no reason to approach another male for the hell of it.  My second problem is that if a person has headphones in their ears wouldn’t that lead to the logical explanation that he was listening to music and probably did not want to be disturbed.  Or did I not get the memo and headphones are now that universal sign for hey douchebag, of course I want you to come over and disrupt my man flow at the gym.  Why thank you so much for bothering me with your ever so foul odor and unusually shaped sweat stains.  My third problem with this situation was, why do people find it necessary to wear grey to the gym.  Now, I have been a victim of this once or twice in the past, I will not deny it, but sweat + grey=disgusting.  I learned now you can to ..

JUST STOP IT!

It is just something that should not be done and I would like to start a petition against grey being worn by men at the gym.  I don’t need to see that and realize how disgusting you are.  Wear black and have your sweat disguised like every other man.

Now back to Mr. Puerto Rico.  You are probably wondering why I am calling him Mr. Puerto Rico.  Well the reason being, yes he is a complete stranger but it is a well-known fact Puerto Ricans are a loud bunch and often talk way to much to anyone within ear shot.  So taking those facts and the scenario I was annoyingly placed in, I came to the conclusion this man must have been of Puerto Rican descent.  So now that that is cleared up, a little history on Mr. Puerto Rico.  From the minute I walked into the gym, Mr. Puerto Rico was on a useless machine to work on abs.  He was there for about 30 minutes until he approached me and was smelling and sweating and grunting away the whole time.  In my opinion there was way too much grunting and sweating considering what he was doing and what machine he was on but who am I to judg… oh wait thats exactly what I do well, there is no way that dude should have been sweating like that doing 5 reps every 10 minutes on that pathetic machine, I don’t care how old or fat you are.  But any way, I notice in between my sets that Mr. Puerto Rico is constantly talking to no one and looking around desperately for someones attention.  I just turn my music up louder and try to ignore the stench.

As a side note I would like to say I try very hard to go out of my way to seem unapproachable to people yet I seem to fail time after time.

So anyway, Mr. Puerto Rico and I made eye contact.  At first thought I was tempted to just leave, but I was feeling good and did not want to ruin my man flow, yes I keep using this term and I do not know where it came from but I like it so fuck off.  So Mr. Puerto Rico takes this eye contact as an invitation and waddled his fat ass over to me.  Fucking Great!!! Now I get the stench and sweaty Rican up close and personal.  He begins to tell me about how he’s too fat, at least he wasn’t ignorant as well. It was one of those stomachs that if not for pants would fall to his knees.  I bet you that man probably has never even seen his own junk, or anyone else’s for that matter.  So he said he is too fat, thanks captain obvious, and continued this great conversation by telling me his doctor told him his “bell” is too big and “had to join gym”.  Now as much as I hate and despise people living in my country and not understanding or speaking the language correctly, or at least making an effort to do so, I was not annoyed and quite amused at this because I would not like a big bell either.  It would be difficult to carry around and then I would be making lots of noise everywhere I went but then I realized, wait a minute this guy is Puerto Rican, noise is not an issue here and obviously his poor excuse for an education prevents him from understanding he meant to say belly.  Who the F says belly anyway.

Well now, this was enough for me, I politely walked away and went on to continue my workout at the other end of the gym.  And by politely meaning turning my back in the middle of the story and dismissing myself from this absurdity.  But wouldn’t you know it Mr. Puerto Rico does not pick up on my subtle rudeness and he too makes his way to the other side of the gym shortly after and since we are now close friends feels it quite proper to give me the smiling head nod.  Great.  I am glad to smell you too pal!